I used to be really shy. I don’t know if I seem like that on my blog, but I used to be super shy. I just followed my two best friends around. But in fourth grade, I decided to be more confident and outgoing and independent. Why? I was, for the first time, number one. So I told myself, You’re number one; you’re the leader. And it worked. We had three new girls that year, and I befriended each of them.
I continued to be confident like that until this past year. At the beginning of the school year, I was really insecure. My best friend and I were in different classes; before that, we were practically attached at the hip. But our friendship slowly fizzled out, and I found myself alone. I hung out with a group of girls, but I felt really out of place; they were already thisclose and I was invading their group.
The first dance also really put me down. A bunch of boys kept asking the girls, and the girls turned them down over and over. We were all laughing and having fun, or so it seemed. All my friends got asked to dance except for me. I remember the entire evening I was floating between two worlds, stereotypical popular and those girls, but I never felt quite like I belonged in either. I waited the entire evening for a guy to ask me, but it never happened. Afterword, I felt really insecure. Was I the only girl without an admirer? What was wrong? I’m very tall for my age, so maybe that was a put-off? Or my frizzy hair?
I don’t think anyone noticed, because I always wore a smile, fought off tears, and tried to play along.
This went on for a while. Then I met my now best friend, Leo. It was kind of nerve-racking to be around a boy, but with him I could be myself and not worry whether I looked pretty. I stopped obsessing over my hair and putting on lip gloss every morning. I had a new way of looking at life: people can like me as my natural self, or not at all.
I’m starting to stop caring as much.
I think one of the keys to being confident is believing in yourself, knowing you’re beautiful, smart, and everything else you strive to be. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one will.
Another key is to be yourself. Don’t act how you aren’t. Be silly, be weird, be dorky, be sarcastic…just be you.
I’m off to write Nakoma and read.
Love ya bunches,